A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
