This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
