We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
