Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
