Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
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