she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
