Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
