Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
