I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
