He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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