i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
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