Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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