The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
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