i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
