From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
