fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
