forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
