I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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