i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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