I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
