They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
