I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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