I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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