went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
