It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
