I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Randomize
