That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
