so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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