Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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