either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
