I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
