oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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