Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
