i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
