Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize