I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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