Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
