Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
