So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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