i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
You are a booty call, not a friend.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
