dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
