You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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