im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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