Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
