I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
