You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Randomize
