Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
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