I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
