I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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