So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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