And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
