A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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