i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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