WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
