make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Randomize
