i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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