You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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