so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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