i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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