I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
