Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
