wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I wish there were birth control emojis
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
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