Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
