My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
