need another drink. this is the easiest way
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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