There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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