I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
