Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
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