Old men and throwing up are my life now.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
