Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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