It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Randomize
