At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
