we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
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I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
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I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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