This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
