No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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