5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
