Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Randomize
