Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
